אנו חיים כפי שאנו חולמים, לב

i’ve been too complacent. i’ve been taking my good eyesight for granted.

And that’s the fucking problem with me. i’m too fuckin complacent. in every aspect. my studies, tasks, targets & life goals… Time… everything. I need to take things seriously and speed the fuck up.

And now, i found out just 2 days ago that my vision in my right eye has gone blurry.

at first, things look watery when i look at them with both my eyes, and i thought it was just my eye watering and being tired. so i didn’t give a fuck about it and just rubbbed it everytime. slowly i find myself needing more effort to see some objects, that are like just metres away. then i find it annoying when i wanna look at other people’s facial features at a distance. i just feel that slight blur. but i didn’t give a fuck. i still could see anyway and thought it was pretty normal.

but it was 2 days ago when i was studying in Macdonalds that my assumed “watery eyes” pissed me off. i finally noticed that something was extremely wrong when i really try to focus on peoples facial features and looked at distant wordings. i focused my vision on an object and juggled between my left and right eye. my left eye was more in focus than my right eye.  

this is probably the worst thing that could happen to me. knowing that i no longer have perfect eyesight. knowing all the things in my future that i may have difficulties achieving. Marksmanship, being a Pilot, and many other opportunities could be gone. 

it was depressing. 

just imagine losing something extremely useful just because o your own carelessness.

I’m sorry, but fighting for this have proven a waste of time.

And it’s common sense that fighting for this continuously will leave someone wounded eventually.

A recruit. Versus a Veteran. No chance. At all.

Depressing.

Am gonna fight in my league. not here. the battle is already won and the victor is already crowned here. there’s nothing left to be won here. 

I think I’ve got a winner down here.